Animus

A man alone, walking purposefully,
raging waterfalls at his back,
draws his bow,
launches flaming arrows,
one after another,
farther than the eye can see.

Who is he? What is he doing? Finally he turns and I see his face.
Rugged, clean-shaven, wild brown hair--a warrior!

Who is this warrior? I gaze at his face,
trying in vain to decipher the mystery.
Then, watching the gentle, determined energy of his walk,
suddenly, I know him.
He is me, and I am he.

A spinster's web

Working tirelessly
Singlemindedly
Painstakingly, cutting hundreds of intricate forms from the fabric,
one stitch at a time to bless the new bride,
while I remain desolate, cast out, unloved.

You cannot declare bankruptcy for karmic debt.
You can only pay it with your own blood.
Working is cleaning, giving is cleaning,
Polishing the mirror surface of your soul,
So that someday you might find your love clearly reflected back without distortion.

The beggars at the train station have learned this well.
With nothing tangible to give,
They nonetheless give the most precious gift of all,
Calling out "God bless you!" to every ear that hears.

Psalm: Rebirth

I have gorged myself on the sweet, forbidden fruit
Of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

I have eaten sin, sucked the marrow out of its bones,
endlessly stuffed my mouth with the flesh and blood of my brothers.

Nourished by violence, my body became violent,
muscles filled with angry, red inflammation,
mind filled with dark, swirling chaos.
My body became violent and rioted against me, making plans to throw me out.

But you reached for me through a long-forgotten voice,
licking at a far corner of my mind,
slowly filling my angry body with your light and presence over many years,
shaking out all the rage,
squeezing out all the tears.

While the outside of my life raged against me and fell apart,
leaving me completely broken on the rocks,
you entered me with your gentle power,
and made me into an apricot tree,
rooted in you,
now blossoming,
now bearing fruit.

Publicly naked

I'm feeling quite overwhelmed right now...overwhelmed and scared and excited all at once. The reason being, I am finding myself called to service in four very different places at the same time. There is my "day" job in the financial industry, where I work for a company that is currently working on the largest project of its kind in history--and what I do or don't do has a definite effect on the bottom line. And then my side job as a wedding dress designer. And now, in addition, though I wanted to avoid it, I've been called to volunteer positions with two spiritually based organizations--one that calls itself Christian, one that calls itself alternative, both brought to my awareness by the Divinity Itself.

I don't know how I'm going to do this. The road ahead is fraught with a hundred million opportunities to fall, and a million million opportunities for my weaknesses to be exposed. I suppose this is where all my training of becoming completely open and vulnerable in sacred space is supposed to come in handy--but I have little desire to be so vulnerable out in the real world!

It doesn't matter, though. God wants me here, exactly where I am, as exactly who I am--and all I really have to do is listen to His voice and do what it says.

Resolute

I traveled back to that fateful night, so long ago now, where you fell away from me, fell to your death into the abyss.

An erratic dagger, recklessly flailing in every direction, tore and slashed through the delicate petals until nothing remained.

I was the dagger--now I am the rose. Pale pastel peach, overflowing with thick, honeylike nectar--locked behind an iron gate.

I am ready. I wait. I will wait, if need be, until every petal has fallen and the snow buries me underground.

Bring loving hands, or bring crushing blows. Either way, I am here.

Turning around

The land resonates with my vibration
the green grass welcomes me home
its energy tangible, tingling my feet.

Reverently, I get to work.
Vigorously pulling up weeds,
finding hidden treasures of delicious fruit,
sown in anticipation of my arrival.

fierce gaze

Withdrawn and alone in a thicket of trees, the hair hangs down in front of my face. I am like a wild creature, fierce eyes, claws unsheathed, reflexes primal.

Come near me and I'll rip you to shreds. It's the law of the jungle. No one approaches another to give, only to take.

I have a heart. It's there, beating, deep within my body. The law of the jungle makes it an irrelevant, dangerous liability.

This woman swings wildly from the vines. This woman shoots poisoned darts from a blowgun with deadly accuracy. This woman can take you down, lay you low, destroy you as easily as she can breathe.

To be human, to love and care--long forgotten ancestral memories. Just to live another day takes every ounce of strength stored in these bones and sinews.