Psalm: Rebirth

I have gorged myself on the sweet, forbidden fruit
Of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

I have eaten sin, sucked the marrow out of its bones,
endlessly stuffed my mouth with the flesh and blood of my brothers.

Nourished by violence, my body became violent,
muscles filled with angry, red inflammation,
mind filled with dark, swirling chaos.
My body became violent and rioted against me, making plans to throw me out.

But you reached for me through a long-forgotten voice,
licking at a far corner of my mind,
slowly filling my angry body with your light and presence over many years,
shaking out all the rage,
squeezing out all the tears.

While the outside of my life raged against me and fell apart,
leaving me completely broken on the rocks,
you entered me with your gentle power,
and made me into an apricot tree,
rooted in you,
now blossoming,
now bearing fruit.

Publicly naked

I'm feeling quite overwhelmed right now...overwhelmed and scared and excited all at once. The reason being, I am finding myself called to service in four very different places at the same time. There is my "day" job in the financial industry, where I work for a company that is currently working on the largest project of its kind in history--and what I do or don't do has a definite effect on the bottom line. And then my side job as a wedding dress designer. And now, in addition, though I wanted to avoid it, I've been called to volunteer positions with two spiritually based organizations--one that calls itself Christian, one that calls itself alternative, both brought to my awareness by the Divinity Itself.

I don't know how I'm going to do this. The road ahead is fraught with a hundred million opportunities to fall, and a million million opportunities for my weaknesses to be exposed. I suppose this is where all my training of becoming completely open and vulnerable in sacred space is supposed to come in handy--but I have little desire to be so vulnerable out in the real world!

It doesn't matter, though. God wants me here, exactly where I am, as exactly who I am--and all I really have to do is listen to His voice and do what it says.