Fuck, I'm apparently moving to Hawaii...

It appears my time here in Chicago is limited.

There is a reason that I am angry and depressed in the winter. There is a reason I don't like to wear socks or pants, and am happiest in sandals and loose flowing skirts.

There is a reason I'm inordinately excited by jasmine and hibiscus, and feel most at home among palm trees and the ocean.

And there is a reason I got so obsessed with the hula when I was taking lessons (and still want to go back more than anything).

Last May I had an extremely vivid dream in which this absolutely gorgeous Hawaiian man came out of the blue, made love to me, got me pregnant and told me to leave my husband for him. When I woke up, something told me that this dream was different from a normal dream, yet I didn't really let it go past the confines of my own mind. But today I was looking on Amazon.com for something or another, and for some reason I clicked on this book. And I clicked the "Search inside this book" link, and a few pages later I just about died because I SAW HIM. He was, in every detail, identical to the man from my dream, and the look in his eyes absolutely blew me away. (For those who are curious, it's the half-nekkid picture of Duke Kahanamoku, 6 clicks in.)

Now Mr. Kahanamoku died at a ripe old age before I was born, and thus is not really an ideal romantic partner for me, but the instant recognition when I saw him confirmed something: There is a certain energy, a certain love consciousness, that I just plain need to experience in this lifetime--and it's not to be found in this concrete jungle. I don't belong here.

Now I am not sure I belong in Hawaii either, but there is only one way to find out and that is to go live there for a while. So, my plan is to get enough money together to buy a condo on the Big Island, and then go live there and find out whether I'm right or wrong. I was just on hiloguy's blog and the gut feeling I got from reading it is that I am right. We shall see. Apparently the Big Island is seriously lacking in healthcare workers, so I could become one, and kill two birds with one stone: finding a way to make a living in Hawaii, and making my parents incredibly happy by working in their field. It's a thought. I will definitely be following up on it.

Is it ever, really, about the money?

I believe the Law of Attraction works best when we first listen within us to find out what it is our soul really wants. I can't count the number of times I've tried to use it to bring in X number of dollars by Y date and my heart wasn't in it--for me it's not really about the money.

This feeling of "it's not about the money" comes to me even more strongly when I think of my work situation. I recently started working at Life Force Arts Center on a volunteer/work exchange basis, and now suddenly I'm the assistant director. (If you're in Chicago, definitely come by the center; we have a lot of really awesome things planned including a Spring Equinox ritual with a live alligator who is also a healer! I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried; it's that cool.) This move is quite possibly the greatest thing that's ever happened in my work life, and yet, I still need to keep my other job in order to eat.

I want to make my living with the same kind of passion that I have for my work at LFAC. And this means that I will, most likely, eventually have to leave the very comfortable position that I now have, with a company that just this past week decided to make an investment in training me for a more responsible position.

Things are falling out of the sky for me this year, in terms of work. I am also doing 9 dresses for a good friend's wedding next June, and will start that work this June. I feel sorry that I wasn't ever in this happy, fulfilled working situation when I was married--our problems might then have been lessened. Who knows, though? As Penny says in Dr. Horrible, "Everything happens."

So what I want to create is a fulfilling way to make my living, doing work on the artistic and spiritual side of the world ALL THE TIME. Or *almost* all the time. After all, I am beginning to have a better understanding of the financial industry, and this can' t be a bad thing. I also want to create a situation where I truly come into the full power of whatever innate and learned talents I have, so that I can use them for the betterment of my employers, clients, and humanity--whoever they end up being.

That is the intention. It's only a matter of time before the beginnings of its artistic expression drops into my head; watch this space for updates.

Using creativity to create our lives

Someday I'll tell the full story of how I discovered the powerful impact my own creativity has had on my life. To make a long story short, I wrote fragments of a story in high school and college, and then forgot about them. Ten years later, I realized that I had lived out that story, complete with its depressing ending.

When I thought about it in the context of the Law of Attraction, it made perfect sense. I had an irrationally powerful emotional attachment to the story and its characters--more so than to anything in real life. In a way, I was in love with the story--and the emotion of being in love is the most powerful catalyst for creation in existence.

It became clear that I needed to write some new stories. This blog will serve as a home for them, a cauldron in which their alchemy can take place.