Filling the space

Well, come hell or high water, I'm posting something on here today...whether or not it's any good.

I spent this weekend attending Joan Forest Mage's shamanic training program, which continues to blow my mind wide open and confirm many of the things I'd always been thinking and feeling about the world. We did a lot of work with shamanic journeying and creating healing ritual, and gave birth to some amazing, spontaneous performance art in the process.

I finally feel fully, strongly connected to all of my nature--the intellectual side as well as the artistic side, the traditional side as well as the freedom-loving side. I spent many, many years denying my desire for intellectual stimulation, for the exploration of science and math, and for the sense of feeling truly connected with my family and ancestors. I did this because I felt that they would never let me be free, and that they would force me to give up the artistic pursuits that I love more than life itself. But trying to live such a selfish, narrowly focused life ultimately proved empty and unfulfilling, and a vague sense of guilt insidioiusly ate away at my ability to do anything creative at all.

A space has opened up in the universe for me to share the unique dancing gifts that I possess. I don't dance just to make a pretty picture for people to look at; I have come to realize that my dancing is energy work, with healing power, and that it is something I am Divinely called to. I can no longer run away from the fact that I have this gift and it needs to be developed to its fullest and shared with the world. Another space has opened up in the universe for me to develop my scientific mind to its fullest; with that, too, I can heal others. And I've realized that if I only step into one of those two spaces, I will be incomplete. I have to step into both; I am Divinely called to both.

I look forward to the challenges and opportunities that such a life will bring.