Fuck, I'm apparently moving to Hawaii...

It appears my time here in Chicago is limited.

There is a reason that I am angry and depressed in the winter. There is a reason I don't like to wear socks or pants, and am happiest in sandals and loose flowing skirts.

There is a reason I'm inordinately excited by jasmine and hibiscus, and feel most at home among palm trees and the ocean.

And there is a reason I got so obsessed with the hula when I was taking lessons (and still want to go back more than anything).

Last May I had an extremely vivid dream in which this absolutely gorgeous Hawaiian man came out of the blue, made love to me, got me pregnant and told me to leave my husband for him. When I woke up, something told me that this dream was different from a normal dream, yet I didn't really let it go past the confines of my own mind. But today I was looking on Amazon.com for something or another, and for some reason I clicked on this book. And I clicked the "Search inside this book" link, and a few pages later I just about died because I SAW HIM. He was, in every detail, identical to the man from my dream, and the look in his eyes absolutely blew me away. (For those who are curious, it's the half-nekkid picture of Duke Kahanamoku, 6 clicks in.)

Now Mr. Kahanamoku died at a ripe old age before I was born, and thus is not really an ideal romantic partner for me, but the instant recognition when I saw him confirmed something: There is a certain energy, a certain love consciousness, that I just plain need to experience in this lifetime--and it's not to be found in this concrete jungle. I don't belong here.

Now I am not sure I belong in Hawaii either, but there is only one way to find out and that is to go live there for a while. So, my plan is to get enough money together to buy a condo on the Big Island, and then go live there and find out whether I'm right or wrong. I was just on hiloguy's blog and the gut feeling I got from reading it is that I am right. We shall see. Apparently the Big Island is seriously lacking in healthcare workers, so I could become one, and kill two birds with one stone: finding a way to make a living in Hawaii, and making my parents incredibly happy by working in their field. It's a thought. I will definitely be following up on it.